Weekend at John Paul's

I taught a class recently to little kids. They all wore these damn bracelets. Tsunami relief this, cancer relief that. Then I think about the car magnets that everyone runs out and buys. It's as if people are capitalizing on destruction and death, like those people who have made Terry Schiavo their own personal cause. There's this intensified perversion in which capitalism has gone amock. I have a friend who's fiance's colleague was one of the doctors who examined Shiavo in Florida. He said that back of her head was completely sunken in and that part of her brain was melted away. This is an interesting idea of when someone dies and how they die. Or for that matter, how someone is born and when they become a life. I've never thought about that until now. When does my unborn daughter become a person? When she was conceived? Sometime along the way? When she pops out? As she takes her first breath? People are capitalizing on death in our country. They feed off of fear and destruction. Goth kids are looked down upon, but it's not because they embrace death; it is because they are so open and public about it. For the rest of us, we want our closets kept closed. While we sit around selling tragedies. There're websites for Tsunami relief bracelets that worn of other sites that do not send any money to Southeast Asia, but if I were to create a ruse then I would include all of the warnings to legitimize myself. Like the man who hit a parked car on a public day and stood over the car writing a note that reads "people are watching me write this, thinking I am leaving my name and number, but I am not. Sorry."

New York City - 9 years ago

Tomorrow 9 years ago I went to New York City for the first time. I began dating a girl that day and she went with me. It was a cool trip since we paid a few bucks for a coach bus that dropped us off in early morning NYC then picked us up that evening to drive us back to college. We spent the day walking around the city. We went to the Hard Rock Cafe, Greenwich Village, and them Empire State Building. It was a day that I won't soon forget, and I am looking forward to going back this June.

Anyone want a dog?

Our dog won't obey us. We've worked with him, and he knows how to act but chooses not to obey. It's getting out of control. He barks at the door until we come and see him. He needs constant attention, and with a new baby we cannot give it to him. I am worried we will have to get rid of him. He's so loving but needs so much attention.

Easter

My mother is the only person who I know who would highlight easter eggs instead of dye them.

Out of Phoenix.net

Out of Phoenix.net

Check this site out. This dude's walking the Appalachian Trail!

SAT SANFU

Newsday.com - Long Island News:

"It didn't take long for the new SAT to become the re-used SAT.

Test sponsors this week told Newsday that they gave virtually identical versions of the college-admissions exam nationwide on two consecutive days earlier this month. The decision to use the same questions twice was initially kept secret for security reasons.

Sponsors insisted that the back-to-back administrations provided no advantage to about 1,300 teens who were tested nationally on the second day because they didn't know the test would be repeated. But school officials and students say that test questions are widely discussed in Internet 'chat rooms,' almost from the moment that students put down their No. 2 pencils and turn on their laptop computers."

Once again things go awry as we try to standardize our world. Yuck. Once again the desired homogeneity of the power bloc of our global capitalistic society has screwed the pooch.

russes.mpeg

russes.mpeg (video/mpeg Object)

This is friggin funny!

No Child Left Behind

Here's how much No Child Left Behind makes sense. Since it's March, let's pretend this was created for basketball. Makes a lot of sense does it? NOT.


No Child Left Behind - Basketball Version

1. All teams must advance to the Sweet 16, and all will win the
championship. If a team does not win the championship, they will be on
probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held
accountable.

2. All kids will be expected to have the same basketball skills at the same
time and in the same conditions. No exceptions will be made for interest in
basketball, a desire to perform athletically or genetic abilities or
disabilities. ALL KIDS WILL PLAY BASKETBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL.

3. Talented players will be asked to practice on their own, without
instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all their
instructional time with the athletes who aren't interested in basketball,
have limited athletic ability or whose parents don't like basketball.

4. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in the
4th, 8th and 11th games.

5. This will create a New Age of sports where every school is expected to
have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same minimal
goals. If no child gets ahead, then no child will be left behind.

Baudrillard

Today, this morning, sitting in my Starbuck's, looking at my Walgreen's, I read Baudrillard's Cool Memories. And it strikes me. I can have so much to say in such small terms. And here I will tell you something he says, not something I said but something he said. Something with which I can resonate though.

"John grows up normally, but doesn't talk, and this drives his parents to distraction. When he is about 16, at last, one teatime, he says 'I'd like a little sugar.' His mother is staggered and asks, 'But John, why have you never said anything up to now?' 'Up to now, everything was perfect.'

If anything is perfect, language is useless. This is true for animals. If animals don't speak, it's because everything's perfect for them. If one day they start to speak, it will be because the world has lost a certain sort of perfection."

Baudrillard, J. (1990) Cool Memories. Trans. Chris Turner. New York: Verso.

micro patron

Why can't I get paid to do this like kottke? He took off work and is a full time blogger. I guess I don't say enough stuff anyone wants to hear. We need a voice to shout out from the wilderness. We need someone to stand up and not bend over. We need someone to make the masses realize what it means to be free. We need someone to take hold and lead our people up and out. We need someone to stand tall above all and speak out. To put forward the foot of the people and to speak out for those who cannot talk. An organic intellectual who will fight for the people. Where is this person? Who is this person? Here I sit and wait.

TheInsider.org - Conspiracy Theory News: New World Order, Conspiracy Theories, Government, Secret Societies, Freemasons, Extraterrestrials, Conspiraci

TheInsider.org - Conspiracy Theory News: New World Order, Conspiracy Theories, Government, Secret Societies, Freemasons, Extraterrestrials, Conspiracies, War... I came across this online newspaper recently. Check it out.

Revitalizing Education in America

No More Broken Promises: Reject Bush's Education Cuts
by Robert L. Borosage and Earl Hadley

This week the House and Senate debated budget resolutions that called for significant cuts in education spending over the next five years. According to the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, these resolutions would lead to more than $30 billion in cuts to education and training from 2006-2010, compared to current spending adjusted for inflation. They also cut billions of dollars in funding to other programs that are vital to educating children -- such as nutrition assistance and healthcare. At the same time, the president is calling for new top-end tax cuts that'll add $1.6 trillion to continuing deficits over the next ten years.

This fits neither the needs nor the desires of the American people. A majority of Americans, as a recent poll by the Program on International Policy Attitudes and Knowledge Networks shows, reject the administration's budget priorities and want substantial increases in education funding. But the Republican majority in Congress is following the priorities of the president, not those of the American people.

And President Bush is breaking his promise to Americans. After calling on the nation to reform our public schools, pledging to make sure that all children receive a quality education, the president has turned his back on his own commitment. Bush's budget is $12 billion short on funds he promised for the No Child Left Behind Act and cuts education funding this year. The president's proposals would cut 25,000 children from Head Start, leave 1.7 million children without after-school programs, and kick 2.8 million adults out of programs that help them learn to read.

Educating children may be close to the president's heart, but it is not in his budget. Instead he's pushing tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans, while schools are laying off teachers. The sad reality in American education is that we're still not even doing the basics -- children go without pre-school, classes are growing larger, not smaller, after- school programs aren't available, college is getting priced out of reach of more and more working families. We need a president who will rouse Americans -- and leaders at all levels -- to make the reforms and investments needed to insure that every child has access to a good education. But this president and the Congressional majority that follows him have decided to fight for tax cuts instead of our schools.

The president and Congressional leaders assume that Americans don't pay attention to budget debates. They believe that rhetoric about "fiscal discipline" and "shared sacrifice" can hide the reality that they are cutting the most vital investment in our future -- the education of our children -- while passing a budget that increases tax breaks for the wealthy, while racking up deficits as far as the eye can see.

Americans shouldn't let them get away with it. It is time to stand up for America's children and to protect America's future.

Robert L. Borosage is Co-Director of the Campaign for America's Future and Earl Hadley is Education Coordinator for the Campaign for America's Future.

Walmartization of the American homeland

I went to Walmart yesterday and some employee accosted me and wanted to know if I wanted to get mailings about politicians in my community who wanted to protect the freedom of monopolistic capitalism in the U.S. I bit my tongue and moved on quickly, although I really didn't want to.

Welcome to IKEA.com

Welcome to IKEA.comGo here. Join us. Be part of the cult.

our world

We're too damn passive. We're complacently numb in a world that expects us to just lie down and grab our ankles. We are identified by who we are. We have a government who keeps us in fear so we are cocooned in our metaphorical bomb shelters where we buy our duct tape, watched our WB tv shows, and sit idly by while our government runs around finding the next country to fight against. And visit our Walmarts and IKEAs where we can buy our flat furniture, meet with our single serving friends, and fight the mexicans through the lines who cannot even say "excuse me" because I am white and I am blocking the way of their shopping cart. Too bad. Learn the language. Get involved. Think. Or are you all afraid that the government will watch us all? Even my professor asked for her name to be removed from a website that I know is being watched. Don't forgive my funky mood. No one reads this anymore anyway. Politics are political and the far left is the near right. Where are you?

Blithe House Quarterly : queer fiction lives here

Blithe House Quarterly : queer fiction lives here The editors asked me to blog this to get the word out. Here's where you can find good GLBTQ fiction. Cheers.

We got stuff!

Today the handmay came and gave us a quote to install a desk and shelves in the nursery. It was the best quote and nicest guy so far, so we took him up on it. He had all of the work done by noon! This afternoon we took some things back to Target and the wife finally bought her diaper bag! She's been looking for 34 weeks now! I also bought new shoes. I had Payless shoes from Hunter Bay (be warned!) ... I loved these shoes, but the sole split straight across. Payless saids to bring them in and they'd give me store credit. So I went to Target and bought a new pair of shoes today. And then we went to Babies R Us and bought a boppy cover! I also got one at Target. So I have two covers and no boppy! Of course I registered for one, so we will see. I am just darn tired. I have class tomorrow night because I opened up my big mouth and agreed to have class during spring break. I just hope this damn cold goes away NOW.

Fishing

Today I went fishing...twice! I got up around 6am and went out to the lake. It was damn cold and I got there before I realized I could've taken the dog with me. It is a 4acre 12foot deep lake only 4 miles from my house! I was there until about 8:30am and froze. I kicked up the heat on the way home, and then I pulled weeds before going to lunch with the wifey-poo. After that I hit the movies and saw Cursed, which was ok. Then went to the 'bucks to write some of my papers. I worked until after 5. I was going to meet with my advisor but he cancelled on me and didn't even tell me. Then I came home to meet the wife who then went back to the lake with me. We were there until 8pm. When dusk hit the fish started to bite. We caught half a dozen pan fish and threw them all back. This chinese dude near us caught a two foot channel catfish! The thing was huge! He wanted me to help him kill it. I sent him off to another dude who had beat the hell outta a cat earlier. Anyway, it was cold and we had to pee. No one fed the dog this morning so at 8pm we headed home, did some laundry, fed the dog, ate dinner, and no we're watching the Inferno II. Go MTV.

Welcome to HiddenPassageway.com - There is no fantasy.

Welcome to HiddenPassageway.com - There is no fantasy.

So you can hire this dude to build you secret passageways in your home. Isn't that cool!?

Last Night (1998)

Last Night (1998/I)

I just watched this movie and figured I'd write a short review. It mostly sucked. Here you go:

Last night on Earth - Review

Ok I did not dig this movie at all, but perhaps I could exptrapolate some meaning from this dribble. I will essentially examine the paucity of characters existing at the end of a boring world for which we, as audience, do not care.

Toward the beginning Patrick goes to his family’s home where his mother recreates their favorite holiday meals all-at-once where his sister, Jenny, would rather be with her boyfriend partying in town than watching nostalgic 8mm films with her great aunts who feel that the younger generation cannot truly appreciate the end since they never lived.

Duncan played by Cronenberg systematically calls his electric company customers that remind them that the gas will remain on until the end to not only afford them some semblance of normativity, but also it gives them a way in which they can kill themselves –like he and his wife, Sandra, have planned.

The younger generation, represented by the 11 year old girl on the bus doesn’t understand what is actually happening and wants her ears pierced, but she does know she won’t live to her next birthday. Her mother is catatonic and this suggests a break down in the familial structure as they wait on a bus that’ll never transport them anywhere.

Sandra hopes to connect with her husband, to someone but remains as nihilistic as Patrick in that she chooses to murder herself and her unborn child to only connect with Patrick in the very last second before they both die, while her husband lies in a pool of his own blood mixed with melted strawberry icecream (Sandra’s favorite) after being killed mercilessly by a young punk.

I found the sexual apocalypse of Patrick’s high school friend interesting. Even in the end heterosexual sex is forbidden, although he can readily sodomize hookers, have aggressive sex with minority women and bed who may be the last middle-aged virgin on Earth.

Lastly, the running woman, played by Burroughs, much like all of the other characters, is only running in circles like a hamster on the wheel of life and death while God sits in heaven laughing. Nothing seems to matter and she just keeps running, which reminds me of the question of existence. Why are we actually here, and why does it all matter? Does it? Unlike On the Beach, this movie has little point beyond the fear and failure of a race who cannot kill themselves when it comes down to the last second or a world that doesn’t really seem to exist for any of its people.

Stuff

Last night we got a call saying we had a package at Babies R Us waiting to be picked up. Woohoo! So we went and there was our stroller, car seat, and spare base. All cool and fun. And paid for! We took them home and put them together. Slowly but surely we're getting readier and readier for this bebe to enter our lives. Even came up with a cool alternative name that I just adore. Not so much for a first name, but if one of the first names is used then I would like this middle name.

Today is a momentous day. Got the car washed. First time since June. Inside and out. Isn't that exciting? I had a 50% off coupon. Speaking of coupons, did you know on Ebay you can buy coupons for like TGI Fridays and such? For example, three TGI Fridays pay $15 get $5 off going to .99cents! Can't beat that. We used a coupon similar to that for a cool Mexican restaurant last week that will remain nameless. If you know me ask me privately we're we went.

Also, I am stoked that one of my profs agreed to join my committee. He's a cool Marxist ethnographer with a wild hair cut. (Or lack thereof). Anyway, he said yes so my committee is more balanced now. Of course my advisor may not like that, but deal... Anyway I am rewriting my article and here's an excerpt. Don't steal it because you will burn in hell for eternity if you do:

The fight for civil rights has come a long way since the struggles of Abraham Lincoln to abolish slavery in the United States. Almost a century later Rosa Parks’ simple act of defiance marshaled in the efforts of Martin Luther King to take a very public stand for human rights, which led to his assassination much the same way as gay rights activists who have been killed for their actions of supposed civil disobedience. In 1969 the drag queens at Stonewall Inn would not go to the back of the bus and publicly demanded an end to oppression and discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation (Garnets & Kimmel, 2002; Newton, 1994). Stonewall marked the beginning of the modern gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and questioning (GLBTQ) liberation movement in the United States with three thousand activists groups forming to fight sexual discrimination within five years of this event (Strickland 1995, Garnets & Kimmel).

The struggle for gay rights in the United States emerged as human rights issues for which people like Rosa Parks, and more recently Matthew Shepard, who was murdered in Laramie, Wyoming for being gay, and Gene Robinson, terminated former Episcopal Bishop of New Hampshire who lives with his male partner, fought. Reluctant gay rights activists have been thrust into the public arena by a society that makes sexuality a focus of national and international debate. Never was this more evident that in the 2004 elections where white collared crime and preemptive wars were hidden by the more innocuous issues of gay marriage. The divisive and heated issues surrounding the GLBTQ population became a rally cry for both parties and the resulting homophobia through the proposed Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) threatens to destroy American families.

This message that echoes heterosexism sent to the American children reinforces an acceptable intolerance toward mankind. Bright students see those Americans who are not middle-class, able-bodied white heterosexuals, and from traditional families being crippled by a suppressive hegemonic control within an edupolitical society. Gifted students get the message of a societal heteronormativity that stifles the creativity of these children, while manipulating the American education system like puppets strung on homophobic high wires controlled with a bureaucratic Reverend Phelps-like rule. As with the previous human rights movements, individual oppression became reconceptualized as a collective struggle for equal rights and equal status to that of the dominant group. In the post-Stonewall era larger numbers of individuals publicly identified themselves as GLBTQ (Strickland, 1995), and more doors have opened for adolescents to accept and disclose their sexual orientation (Herdt 1989). With the continued proliferation of the child who comes out earlier and earlier in our schools and society, a student minority population has emerged that is hearing messages of intolerance towards them.

Initially, this discussion began in 2001, and the researchers have seen the increase in suppression through supposed homeland security and the Patriot Act, which several states (including Arizona) has opposed through resolutions that argue that the Patriot Act “contradict these [constitutional] rights, fundamentally alter the nature of our civil liberties and do little to increase public safety” (A Concurrent Resolution Proclaiming the Opposition of the Arizona Legislature to the USA Patriot Act and Related Executive Orders, 2005). The Patriot Act, coupled with the DOMA, has generated a progressively foreboding environment for minority students. At the 2002 National Association for Gifted Children Annual Meeting, several GLBTQ students who attend the Indiana Academy, a high school campus tailored to the science and humanities on Ball State University campus, spoke about their school experiences being not only gifted, but also GLBTQ. These students represent an even smaller population that intersects those who are GLBTQ and those with higher intellectual abilities. Cohn (2003) asserts this double different population may be as small as 1-3 students in every 1,000.

What do you think?

Patriot Act is Crap

Format Document

In the state of Arizona, state laws try to enforce the freedom of US citizens and work against the patriot act, which should be abandoned and abolished!

THE ZOOMQUILT | a collaborative art project

THE ZOOMQUILT | a collaborative art project

You should check this out. If I could make stuff like this I would be rich-o rich-o.

Do that funky chicken, white boy!

In a bit of a funk I suppose. Do I need happy pills? My advisor is lazy, my friend doesn't talk to me anymore, and I dream about her not talking to me, and my pattern is out until April. Looked at our pack-n-play today and they're sold out for six weeks. Do the math, comrade! After my kid will be here. Good thing we have a bassinette.

I emailed my prof to ask her if I could just change my major and drop him all together. Get away from gifted and wash my hands of it. Having a relationship with this man is like dating a chick I'd rather dump. Seriously. Err..

So I had to work today (my choice) and my little friend had her first birthday party. I hoped it was going to be a little later in the day, but it was at high noon. Mommy said to come over after work and I planned on it, but then everyone left before 3pm! crap! No cake for moi! Missed seeing D too. And I don't get to see him so much.

Going to see L & H tomorrow, supposedly. We'll see if that pans through. I added a Che quote today to my away message. I don't see a problem with the left. I don't see a problem with socialism. I don't see a problem with discussion of the issue of class. I do not see a problem with circular politics. I do see a problem with the politics of America. I do see a problem with all of that. I do see a problem with living so far from Canada. I do see a problem with the hidden agenda of the public schools. I do see a problem with standardized testing. I do see a problem with this.

eBay item 5564132713 (Ends Mar-15-05 10:15:32 PST) - Haunted Ghost John Lennon Musical Parade Nursery Lamp

This is wild! I was looking for baby stuff on Ebay and came across this! It gave me the chills and the wife would not even look at the listing! Wow!

eBay item 5564132713 (Ends Mar-15-05 10:15:32 PST) - Haunted Ghost John Lennon Musical Parade Nursery Lamp: "I am starting this item low because my sister-in-law just wants it gone. I know I could have gotten quite a bit if I listed it the nursery baby section but decided to go this route instead.

Okay this is an unusual listing for me but I have to sell it for what we believe it is. I have no strong beliefs either in ghosts or not. Very unsure but know there is that possibility so I will tell you a little about our experiences with this lamp. This is a well sought after item for nursery rooms, but was not comfortable selling it just as a cute lamp. The lamp is a John Lennon Musical Parade lamp. Not old, in excellent condition. Sorry I don't have a picture because I actually don't want the lamp in my home and I didn't want to take a picture because I think too much and thought possible if there is something with the lamp if I take a picture I might capture whatever it may be in my camera and I don't want to have any experiences with a ghost or such. Like I said, I have no idea what to believe. So here is the story about the lamp. You take it for what you would like. I bought the lamp for my sister-in-law about a year ago when she was decorating a spare bedroom for here niece and nephew (for when they visit) She loved the John Lennon Musical Parade theme and decorated the whole room in that theme. Her neice and nephew stayed often and slept in the spare room by themselves all the time. The night she plugged in the lamp here nephew was spending the night. He woke up screaming and my sister-in-law went to check on him. He told he there was someone standing by the lamp. Even though he has never done this before she thought maybe he just wanted to sleep with her. So she took him to bed. The next night she wanted him back in his own room so she took the lamp out and put it away. He had no problems. She tried the lamp again at a later time but he would not go near the lamp. When he wasn't sleeping over she had the lamp set up in the room. Occasionally she would wake up in the middle of the night and see a little boy standing in her door way. She describes him as a boy but said she isn't positive because he has like a bowl style haircut but has no face. She just said he gives off the presence of being a boy. She also does not enjoy these experiences and tries to ignore it like it may not be really happening. She tells my brother go shut the door there is a little boy watching me. She said she has seen him numerous times. She is scared of the thought of what is happening but not of the boy. She said he is not mean. But doesn't want anything to do with it. The room that displays the lamp also has the light switch on for no apparent reason. My brother is an electrician so he just says its an old house. But the switch is actually switched. He can't explain that one. She has now put the lamp away permanently and has not seen the little boy again. Believe what you would like. This is just our experience. We are not crazy people that blow things out of proportion and make things up. This is what has happened with us. I can't guarantee you will have the same experiences. But I would like to know if you purchase the lamp. Just to help us believe or not believe a little more. This is a very popular lamp so if you are just purchasing it for the decorating theme and don't believe any of this, great, but I didn't want to sell it to someone with a new baby and worry I gave you more than you bargained for. Sorry for the long story, but I wanted to be very clear on what you are possibly getting.

Shipping is estimate. As mentioned I don't want to go near the lamp. When my sister-in-law actually mails the item I will adjust the price accordingly. I will refund any overage and would appreciate it if I am off by quite a bit if you would cover any extra charges. I normally do not handling shipping this way but this is an unusual situation. Thanks for your understanding. I charge actual shipping plus a $1.25 handling fee so you also can come close to an estimate."

hahah

Gave the baby a zerbert and got kicked in the face yesterday! Haha. So a friend of mine got royally pissed off. I'd rather remain ambiguous, but someone I considered a friend used me to do some things for her and then once I did them, email me and told me where to stick it. Then has not communicated with me since. It's been a few days. I am very hurt by this.

But anyway, things are moving along. Baby class tonight. Breathe breathe breathe. Yeah! I have this extra work to do at work for extra money, and it's due tomorrow, I will do it soon but Ive not been on here recently. Been busy.

Dealing with a sucky advisor and all kind of work I need to do soon, but getting a brick wall of slacking laziness from him. Err... Then he bitches about me not working harder and faster, but then complains when I want to.

paper

My professor returned a paper to me, and he wrote on it "high school essay at best." He called it elitist and arrogant. What right does he who doesn't even bother to publish? Damnnit to hell and back.

disenchantment

I am disenchanted with the way things are. I am not happy with the way things are going with my program. I did not appreciate the communication I had tonight. This is not working for me. I do have an ally in all of this, and I've emailed her tonight. We'll see what a true advisor advises.

Shower

Today was the baby shower. It was cool. L, A, and M did a good job. A great job. We even videotaped it. The food was awesome and we got some very thoughtful gifts including handmade blankets and booties. A appreciated the people who came from work, and it was nice to see D&M. We've not been to their house in a while. I also heard that R&L bought a puppy! We didn't know that either. Tomorrow we're brunching with them all. Yeah. Bacon.

Watching Euro Trip. Damn, this movie rocks. Third or the fourth time I've seen it. Our friend had never seen it, so I tossed it in. Anyway, Euro Trip is almost over and I am tired. Goodnight.

Today

So I judged speech & debate this morning, picked up the leimster from the 'port, then we drove around in circles for-EvA. Went to work to get the lost phone, ate food, went to Fry's (wohoo), went to Sprint, went to Ace Hardware. What fun. Stopped at the 'bucks. Got Chantico then we're here. Amazing Race IV. What fun. Survivor is over. I hate Boston Rob, did I mention he's good tv.

health insurance sucks

It's the land of suckage, and something else sucks. Health insurance. I just don't get it. Yeah, yeah I know we need it or we'd really be screwed, but come on. I keep getting these "THIS IS NOT A BILL" forms. Save your money! I get a NOT A BILL, then a month later a bill. Woohoo. It's like they're just trying to psyche me out. Ugh.

So we're watching the new Amazing Race. Amber and Boston Rob is on it. I sure hate them, but they make for good television.

How do these people survive?

ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
TWO I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.
THREE A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."
FOUR I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."
FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
SIX I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
SEVEN My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
EIGHT Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
NINE A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine. The mother says, I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher: Rush him to emergency! Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid."