No Child Left Behind

Here's how much No Child Left Behind makes sense. Since it's March, let's pretend this was created for basketball. Makes a lot of sense does it? NOT.


No Child Left Behind - Basketball Version

1. All teams must advance to the Sweet 16, and all will win the
championship. If a team does not win the championship, they will be on
probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held
accountable.

2. All kids will be expected to have the same basketball skills at the same
time and in the same conditions. No exceptions will be made for interest in
basketball, a desire to perform athletically or genetic abilities or
disabilities. ALL KIDS WILL PLAY BASKETBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL.

3. Talented players will be asked to practice on their own, without
instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all their
instructional time with the athletes who aren't interested in basketball,
have limited athletic ability or whose parents don't like basketball.

4. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in the
4th, 8th and 11th games.

5. This will create a New Age of sports where every school is expected to
have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same minimal
goals. If no child gets ahead, then no child will be left behind.